


Growing pains, good times

by Time_is_fading



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron) Lives, Gen, Guilt, Hallucinations, Near Death Experiences, Pidge | Katie Holt-centric, Poisoning, Post-Canon, Regret, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Time_is_fading/pseuds/Time_is_fading
Summary: Six months have passed since the defeat of Honerva, and the universe is still trying to heal. After a mission gone wrong, a close call, and a strange vision, Pidge must face the consequences of her actions. Guilt, regret, uncertainty, and a dead-set determination accompany her as she tries to navigate her new circumstances, and convince those she cares about to help her along the way.
Relationships: Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Allura & Pidge | Katie Holt, Coran & Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt, Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23
Collections: Pidge Angst Bang





	Growing pains, good times

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this fic is for the Pidge Angst Bang! It's been a long way, but it's finally here. Special thanks to the wonderful people who worked on this too, [@bluegirlartist](https://bluegirlartist.tumblr.com/) and her amazing art that you can find [here](https://bluegirlartist.tumblr.com/post/636788974751465472/timeisfading-archive-of-our), and [Moo](https://doughnuts-5ever.tumblr.com/) who betaed this! Thank you so much for all your hard work, and thanks to the mods for making this event possible! Hope you enjoy!

Six months had passed after Haggar —Honerva, for those kind enough to remember her as she had once been, had been defeated. It had also been six months since all realities had been threatened by said woman, and six months since one of the bravest beings ever known to the universe had sacrificed herself for the greater good. The war had finally ended, taking the Princess of Altea as its last offering.

But that didn't mean the work was over. After thousands and thousands of years under the oppression of the Galra Empire, the universe still had a long path to walk before being restored to its former glory; or rather, making way for a new-found glory.

That's how the recently created Galactic Coalition had found itself burdened with the efforts of organizing the politics of postwar life across the numerous systems that had been affected by the war. No planet had gone through the same experience, each having its own particularities and nuances, but they were all joined by the shared dread of the question "what comes next?"

Although the current resources weren't nearly enough to cover all demands, one thing that the Coalition had to spare was manpower. Well, to put it in better terms, workforce. Volunteers had been coming from everywhere, because now that the threat was gone, most people were eager to help those in need, even if they themselves were also in need.

Except the threat wasn't quite gone. There were still some factions, both Galran and allied, that refused to accept defeat and clung onto the Empire's ideals like a lifeline. That's where Team Voltron had come into the picture. Having at their disposal extensive combat skills and four giant lion-robots specialized in battle (the fifth dormant one not to be mentioned), it was a no-brainer they were perfect for the job. At first, there had almost been no rest for them, with outraged commanders and military personnel from the Empire launching attack after attack as the last stand. But as each of these uprisings was stifled, the incidents became sparser.

Those remaining groups now mostly stayed quiet, hidden in unknown corners of the universe in an attempt to regain strength, so the alliance was given a chance to focus their energies on different things. Lance decided to return home and spend some quality time with his family, enjoying a well-deserved break. Keith went with his mum back to the Blades of Marmora, which was currently undergoing some changes to their operations as well. Shiro remained the captain of the Atlas through the entire ordeal, also having an important role in the Coalition as representative of Earth and official recruiter. Hunk and Pidge, for their part, decided to remain on the Atlas as well and help the coalition with their own talents, him through diplomacy and her with technology.

Overall, the present was calm and the future seemed bright. It was only natural then, that things would be jostled a bit.

It started with an escort mission. The Coalition had made contact with Ejda, a new planet in the Sigma system. Due to its extensive natural resources, it had been a prime asset for the Galra Empire. It had only been recently that the people had overthrown the regime that enslaved them and established a new form of government. With this recently developed freedom, and having a lot to offer and much more to gain, accord with the rest of the liberated universe was on the table. The majority of the agreements had been made remotely, but for the final signatures, the representatives were required to attend a summit with the heads of the Coalition.

That’s where the paladins came in. One of them, at least. Even with the recent inactivity of opposing groups, it didn't hurt to take preemptive measures, and escorting the alien representatives from their planet to the Atlas where the summit was taking place was a minor gesture that had more to do with public relations than security matters. It wasn’t like the Ejdan’s were under any explicit threat, so the stakes were pretty low. Having one of the legendary lions that formed Voltron arriving at their planet, however, made for a great show for the masses; a symbol of both hope and union. And peak publicity stunt.

Since this mission wasn’t supposed to be too demanding or time-consuming, the youngest of the former paladins decided to take it on. Pidge knew her sensibility for public affairs wasn’t quite as developed as other possible candidates, but she mostly did it out of curiosity (and a little bit of boredom). Engaging with other cultures had always been a delight to her, especially getting to learn more about different customs and discovering new knowledge, so she didn't hesitate when this opportunity came up.

Green and Pidge landed in the main plaza, right in front of the government building. They were greeted by a small party of diplomats and an assortment of people who had gathered to see the event. After some brief greetings and several handshakes, the party finally led Pidge into the building where the representatives she was to escort were waiting. The Ejdan’s were a tall, slender, grey-skinned race that gave off the impression of elegance through their mannerisms; but most importantly, they were creative and resourceful. A testament to that was the building they were now leading her through, a galra-built prison that had been repurposed as the headquarters for their new administration.

After passing the lobby and turning a few corners, they arrived at a huge, round foyer that branched off in seven directions through a series of metal gates that were equally distributed across tall purple walls. High above their heads, a magnificent skylight illuminated the entire enclosure. Everything looked very different from the usual, maze-like structures she was used to. Her guides must have noticed her amazement (probably her gaping mouth), and they proceeded to explain this was one of the oldest structures that had been built by the Empire, given its style. Each one of the gates led to large, straight corridors where the inmates used to be kept. In ancient times, when technology wasn’t as developed for the colonies, the foyer had served as a convenient vantage point to keep tabs on the prisoners within the halls. As technology progressed, however, better methods of surveillance had been developed, and the corridors had been shut.

The Ejdan’s described all this while they walked across the northern hall. There were two floors, the upper one with aisles that could be seen from the bottom, banisters placed for safety. Several people bustled around, coming and going from what appeared to be the old cells, only sparing them a glance before returning to their tasks. At the very end of the long hall, the three representatives she was to escort were coming out of a conference room. They introduced themselves politely, apologizing for not being able to greet her outside, explaining they were working on some last details.

They didn’t exchange pleasantries for long, though. Alarms suddenly began to blare, accompanied by blinking red lights. The workers that had been previously working diligently and calmly now raced to the gate leading to the foyer. Adrenaline kicking in, Pidge urged the representatives and diplomats to follow the rest, sticking close behind like a shepherd. Once out of the corridor, a crowd had gathered in the foyer, each person looking more confused than the next. Pidge approached one of the guards that stood at the gates, ushering more people from the halls into the parlor. When asked about the current status, the guard told her the system had reported a security breach, but there were no intruders or visible threats to be concerned about.

The whole situation seemed too suspicious, but then it dawned on her. The enemies weren't going to attack, they didn't have enough resources to face even a single lion of Voltron. They were trying to lock the civilians in and throw an indirect attack, like a bombing or something. She ordered an evacuation of the entire building, immediately. She paused in her barking of orders just enough to instruct the diplomats to stay with Green once they were outside. She would escort them out of the planet as soon as she fixed the system.

It had obviously been hacked to activate the alarms and get all the people in one place so they become easier targets, making her next destination the control room. Following some quick indications by the guards, she soon arrived at her destination. The employees there were furiously typing into their computers, desperately trying to stop the imminent lockdown that was already starting to occur. She set to work on helping them, asking all the right questions and barking orders when necessary, but slowly every gate and window was being shut. She began to type along with them, desperation seeping into her bones, her fingers getting faster and faster as they struggled to keep up with her brain. Luckily, by this point, almost all civilians had been evacuated and were being ordered to stay away from the building, except for the ones currently dealing with the problem, but that was no excuse for not getting the job done.

Seconds went by slowly as the warnings of the closing doors increased mercilessly, miles ahead of the struggling techs. They weren't going to make it in time, so she ordered them to leave. No one hesitated. She was a praised hero, after all, she could solve this on her own, right? But for some reason, none of her attempts were working. The debugging program she had installed into her armor  — the one she had perfected through the years as the team raided bases and camps, her old reliable creation that had never failed her, not even once — was failing.

The door to the control room, the only escape route available, closed in on her. The facility had successfully gone into a full lockdown. She stared at the monitors for a moment, not really focusing on anything, unable to believe she had been bested at her own game. Computers were her thing, her language. She could program with her eyes closed, and she had yet to be met with one that refused to bend to her will. Still, the doors wouldn't budge.

She felt dizzy. A sinking weight settled on her stomach, fear overtaking her for a second. But she had to keep going. Her fingers clacked at the keys viciously, her heart beating wildly as a rush of adrenaline ran through. She had never considered herself a claustrophobic person, but that didn't mean she wanted to be stuck in such a small room for any longer than absolutely necessary.

Some time went by, minutes that felt like ages, her breaths getting more agitated as the seconds dragged on. She didn't quite understand why the adrenaline was taking such a toll on her until another alarm went off. This time, the beeping was coming from her arm. Her oxygen levels were dropping at an alarming pace. She gasped, or a least tried to, comprehending the severity of her situation. If she didn't get out of here...

Her clacking doubled into an inhumane pace. Eyes fleeting across monitors, brain-racking through the fuzz to get the information she needed. Whoever had created the malware she was now faced with sure had gone the extra mile just to keep some doors locked, and now she understood why. Just imagining what would have happened if they hadn't evacuated the building was terrifying. The foyer was a huge space, but with such a large crowd as there had been, all trapped while slowly being poisoned without knowing what was happening; it would've been a nightmare.

At least in this scenario, she was the only one suffering. But not for much longer. Finally, with a triumphant keystroke, the gates all started to open again. She stood up from the chair she had been sitting on with the whoosh of the opening door, only to immediately regret it when the world spun around her. The only thing that kept her from hitting the floor was her good reflexes, her hand latching onto the desk. Her surroundings still spinning, she focused her eyes on the camera feeds, hoping they would somehow ground her. However, when she looked at the atrium, her eyes refused to move away, glued to the sight. She leaned a bit closer to get a better look, and slowly her surroundings began to fade into the background as she got more enthralled by the sight.

Suddenly, she was standing in the atrium once again. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with uncontaminated air, and looked up at the skylight. Green was outside, heading straight to the glass, just about to break in-

Everything turned white.

Strong, lithe arms cradled her into a gentle embrace, somehow enveloping her entire form. Warmth emanated all around her, seeping into her bones along with a sense of utter peace and tranquility. She blinked a couple of times, not feeling the need to make any other movement. All she could see was a white expanse that reached well beyond her sight, peppered with some cloudy hints of pastels here and there.

She couldn't shake the feeling she'd been here before.

A soothing voice reached her ears, and she realized the person who held her had been talking to her this whole time. It was a melodic, female voice that whispered sweet nothings. As she focused more on the voice its words became clearer, but the volume got lower like it was slowly moving further away. Pidge got the impression this wouldn’t be the last time they met.

_ You're safe now. _

_ Everything will be fine. _

_ You still have plenty to live for. _

_ I believe in you. _

_ I'm right here. _

***

Pidge woke up on a bed. It was small and a little too firm for her taste, but it served its purpose well. Besides, there wasn't a lot one could expect from a medbay bed. When the thought crossed her mind, it finally clicked she was in the Atlas. The grey walls and rows of beds must've given it away, but for some reason, it took a while for it to fully register. She was probably still confused from... the mission? Yes, the mission. Things hadn't gone according to plan, clearly. There had also been an evacuation, and had Green broken in to save her?

Just as she was analyzing the possible repercussions to that, the doors whooshed open. As soon as she saw the two men across the threshold, she began to fumble around the sides of her bed. The buttons that lifted the bed must have been around somewhere, she was sure. Her gut also told her it was a bad idea to look them straight in the eyes, at least for a while.

"Pidge, the doctor told us you just woke up," Shiro said calmly. "How are you feeling?"

"Aha!" She'd found the buttons and slowly lifted the bed enough to sit comfortably. "Good, good. Just peachy."

"What you did back there was stupid," Keith said bluntly. Straight to the point as always. At least Shiro threw him a disapproving look. "But we're glad you're alright," he tried to fix.

Unfortunately, Shiro's disapproving look turned to her, making her shrink a little. "He's right, you know. That stunt you pulled was very dangerous. You should've left when everyone else did."

"I didn't know something like this would happen," she whined, suddenly feeling like a small child. "What was it anyway? Did they gas the building?"

"Carbon monoxide was released through the vents. So yes, you could say you were gassed," Keith answered.

"Well, that explains a lot," she shrugged snarkily.

"Pidge," Shiro scolded her. "If help hadn't reached you in time, you could have died."

"Guess you're still stuck with me, then," she joked.

"Pidge," Shiro hissed.

"Okay, sorry," she said, a frown replacing her smirk for a second before it turned back into a smile. "But I do wonder how the Ejdan's will react to a giant lion crashing through their ceiling."

Instead of the amused groans she expected, her remark was met with deeply confused, and slightly worried, stares.

"What?" Keith was the first to break the awkward silence.

"You know," her smile wobbled a bit. "Green breaking in to save me?"

Her words only served to make the men furrow their brows, even more, eyes popping out in disbelief.

"The security guards came back for you once the lockdown was lifted. They found you passed out in the control room," Shiro stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh," was all she managed to say, not sure what to make of that information.

"Green did warn the other lions, though," Keith added, gaze lost on the floor. "That's how we arrived so quickly to the scene."

"Maybe I was higher than I thought," she said half-heartedly. "Why don't you sit down, guys? You're making me nervous just standing there," she said, desperately wanting to change the subject.

They wanted to clear the heavy atmosphere that had settled around them as well, so they reached for a couple of chairs and brought them closer to the bed. Both crossed their arms as soon as they sat, though, but at least they were all at eye level now.

"So, did they sign the accords?" she asked.

"Yes. Thankfully, the summit took place without a hitch," Shiro said proudly. "The Ejdan's are now officially part of the Coalition."

"Oh right, the representatives had a message for you" Keith added. "They're very grateful for your handling of the situation, and offer their sincere apologies for causing you trouble. They also say you're always welcome to visit their planet, but understand if you'd prefer not to."

"That's nice. Finally, someone appreciates my efforts!" she sighed happily. Seeing that Shiro was about to say something, she quickly added: "Don't, please. Just let me have this."

For a second, she didn't think he would stay quiet, but surprisingly he did. He closed his mouth and settled on his chair, shifting his weight to get comfortable. Maybe he considered he'd scolded her enough, which she definitely felt. Shiro didn't say anything for a while; none of them did. They just enjoyed the break in the conversation, each lost in their own thoughts.

Now that they weren't talking anymore, the weight of what had happened was finally sinking in. She was so grateful everything had worked out in the end, that the Ejdans were safe and she had made it out alive. But that last part worried her the most. It had been a really close call, judging by what Shiro said. If she had taken any longer opening the gates, if the security guards hadn't come back for her, if the Atlas crew hadn't arrived on time - would she still be here?

Then there was the issue of her... vision. It hadn't crossed her mind until she mentioned Green coming to save her. If that part was a hallucination, did that mean her vision was also one? Maybe she had actually died.

No, she couldn't have. Her friends currently sitting next to her would've told her. And they would've been a hundred percent less calm in their approach. But thinking about her vision, it had probably been caused by the lack of oxygen. Damn it, she had even fainted because of it. Still, she couldn't quite shake the feeling that somehow, it hadn't been a dream.

"I saw Allura," she blurted out. That certainly got their attention back, seeing how their necks had snapped from turning so fast. "Or at least I think I did."

"Okay," Shiro nodded slowly, almost carefully. "What did you see?"

"When I passed out, I think. After I thought I saw Green coming for me," she began, her voice a bit unsure. "Suddenly I was in this white, empty space."

"Like the one where...?" Keith trailed off.

Where they had last seen their friend. "Yes. It was exactly that. I think she was hugging me."

Shiro nodded a bit more before giving her an understanding look. "Sometimes, when we have experienced something traumatic, there are some occasions where unpleasant memories may arise."

"It didn't feel unpleasant," she huffed, offended at the insinuation. "She was hugging me and saying nice things."

"Sorry, that's not what I meant," he explained. "Given your circumstance at the moment, it's possible your mind related the situation to a similar one you lived, in this case when Allura said her last goodbye."

"You're saying me nearly dying reminded me of her death?" Pidge snapped, morbid satisfaction creeping in at hearing her friends' horrified gasps.

"Yes," Shiro soldiered on despite the dark turn.

"It was different, though. From what she told me last time," she said, toning down the bite in her voice.

"It may have been the lack of oxygen, combined with the stress of the situation and what Shiro said," Keith added.

She sniffed, a familiar pressure building in her forehead and sinuses. "I know, that's what I told myself too, except for the last part of course. But it still felt so, so real and-" her voice cracked. "What am I supposed to do with it?"

"How did it make you feel?" Shiro asked, reaching for her hand.

"Warm and tingly. Safe," she said, squeezing his hand.

"Then keep those feelings close to your heart. Remember her as she was, kind and caring," he continued.

"And Pidge," Keith held her other hand. "Don't forget we're here for you, okay? You're safe now."

She nodded while tightening her grip on the offered hands. She was safe now.

***

After that little episode in the medbay, Pidge couldn’t stop thinking about everything. Her mind kept drifting off, bouncing around weird thoughts and ideas that randomly popped up. She had never been one to dwell on the past more than was absolutely necessary; she considered herself more a person of action. It didn’t help that she was stuck on a hospital bed for ‘observation’, with nothing to pass the time other than her rambling thoughts.

Truth be told, she hadn’t really had more than a few hours to herself since the war had ended. There was always something that needed her attention, always another task to take care of. Things had been hectic for a long while, and to a certain extent, she was grateful for that. It kept her from spiraling into memories and second-guessing her past choices, like her mind currently insisted on doing.

One of those intruding, pesky thoughts that wouldn’t go away, was that vision she’d had of Allura. She tried to do what Shiro had told her, reading into it as a comforting thing her brain had created to cope. But the more she thought about it, the more it felt wrong. A sense of guilt had rooted deep inside her bones, poisoning her memories with regret. Her friend’s passing hadn’t crossed her mind more than a couple of times in the last six months, but now it seemed to be stuck. Their departure kept playing on loop as she tried to analyze the differences between what had actually happened and what her vision had shown her. At first sight, the vision appeared to be a reimagining of their last goodbye, but with a closer inspection, the details didn’t match. What really threw her off, however, was that the vision hadn’t been like those hazy dreams you could only remember parts of. She could remember every little detail with clarity that not even her most recent memories had.

Maybe it was a sign. The fact that it all happened in her head didn’t necessarily mean it hadn’t been real. After all, the universe behaved in strange ways living beings weren’t even close to understanding.

But if it had been real, then that begged a new question. Why did Allura show herself to her, little old Pidge, of all people? Maybe her near-death experience had made it easier for Allura to contact her. That made sense, and it was the most likely reason. Yet, she couldn’t shake the feeling it shouldn’t have been her. She didn’t deserve it.

Pidge hadn’t been a good friend to the older girl. Looking back on the time they’d spent together, she was certain of that. The princess had tried uncountable times to reach her, to form some sort of bond between them, the only two girls in a castle full of guys. And Pidge, like the annoying teen she was, had refused all those times. She’d always been too busy or tried to make herself seem busy, to spare some time for the princess. Allura could be pushy sometimes, but Pidge was an expert at keeping others at arm's length. Besides, for pushy friends, she already had Hunk and Lance, so she’d thought that was more than enough already.

It had only been towards the end that she’d finally let her walls down and begun to hang out more with the princess. After all they’d been through, it was only fair they began to connect a bit more. Having more girls around helped a lot, too. It was easier to be in a group where she didn’t always have to talk, or even be aware of the conversation. Sometimes she disassociated for a while, as a breather for so much social interaction, and then returned to the conversation like she hadn’t stopped listening to them at all. They even had a sleepover once, on the Atlas. As messy as things had been, these moments made her happy. It was nice to belong somewhere and form connections, and she even wondered why it had taken her so long to do this.

None of that mattered now. Allura had sacrificed herself to save all living beings across all realities, and there was no point in dwelling on their short-lived friendship. Feeling regret for all those conversations they could’ve had, for all the moments they could’ve lived together if it hadn’t been for her stubbornness, was absolutely pointless. It didn’t stop her from feeling it, though.

Luckily, Hunk walked into the medbay right before Pidge could continue berating herself mentally. He reached the side of her bed in record time and scooped her up into a bear hug. He always gave the best hugs, warmth seeping into her dreary bones. But he did tend to squeeze a lot. She usually dismissed it because it wasn’t such a big deal, but when she felt her chest being constricted and she couldn’t draw in a deep breath, her heart skipped a beat in fear. She immediately patted his arms a bit too frantically, a bit too desperately, and he let go. He gave her a confused look, but she offered him the brightest smile she could muster, breathing deeply to calm her erratic heart. If her experience had left her something, it was a newfound appreciation for air.

Thankfully, her smile had been convincing enough, seeing as he smiled back at her before suddenly breaking into ugly crying, big tears rolling down his cheeks, similar to a broken water faucet.

“I’m so glad you’re alright!” he said between sobs. “I was so worried!”

“Hey, it’s okay,” she comforted him. “I’m fine, see?”

He leaned in to hug her again, arms wide open, but she unintentionally recoiled. He stared at her, utterly baffled, as she just flinched at her action.

“Sorry,” she said as she patted his shoulders gingerly. “I’m just not in the mood for hugs right now.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he sniffled, finally getting his tears in check.

She nodded awkwardly, not sure where to look at anymore. Her white bedsheets suddenly seemed fascinating. She was about to apologize again when he beat her to speak.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come here sooner,” he said, turning the conversation back on track. “When Shiro told me what happened, I wanted to come see you right away! But I was in a business dinner between Illum and Natu.”

“How did it go?” she asked, relieved at the change in subject.

“It took soooo long,” he groaned. “I swear, if they’d taken any longer, I would’ve just left, diplomacy be damned. I don’t even know if it’s the planets that have a huge rivalry, or it’s just those two representatives that hate each other's guts.”

“Sounds fun,” she sniggered. He groaned again, rolling his eyes for dramatic effect.

“But anyway, how are you, really?” he asked, and quickly added when he saw her open her mouth: “And don’t say fine. Be honest with me.”

She closed her mouth, deflated the easy way out was no longer an option. She pursed her lips in thought, before shrugging. “Bored. There’s nothing to do here. I’m just waiting to be discharged so I can get back to work.”

“About that,” Hunk began, nervousness seeping into his voice. “I don’t think you’ll be getting back to work anytime soon. Your parents want you back home.”

“WHAT?!” she yelled. “How did they even know?!”

“It’s the protocol that family members must be contacted in case of emergency. Shiro had to tell them everything.”

“That little-” she made to get off the bed, but Hunk held her back.

“Calm down! He was just doing his job,” he tried to reason with her.

“Still!” she tried to wriggle a bit more, arms flailing aimlessly before finally settling back on the bed, arms crossed and lips pouting.

“Your parents were very worried. They just want the best for you,” he tried to reassure her. “And they think having you back on Earth is the best for you right now.”

“But what about the group that caused the incident on Ejda?” she said weakly, trying to find any excuse not to return.

“I’m sure Shiro and Keith are dealing with them,” he said calmly. “Meanwhile, you have other issues to deal with.”

Her eyes turned into slits, piercing him with a suspicious look. “What else did Shiro tell you?” He squirmed on his seat, trying unsuccessfully to avoid her gaze. “Hunk,” she ordered him.

“Well, he said something about you having trouble dealing with death,” Hunk explained.

“So he told you about my vision?” she asked.

“What?” he asked, thoroughly confused.

Great. Shiro hadn’t told him about that, he’d just been vague. Well done, Pidge, throwing yourself under the bus. She really had to stop assuming people knew what she was talking about before bringing up difficult, and possibly fake topics. She sighed and proceeded to explain everything that had happened when she’d fainted, and parts of her conversation with Shiro and Keith. Might as well spill out the beans now, before he pestered her endlessly and she ended up telling him anyway. At least he was a good listener. A bit judgy, but still attentive.

In the end, she added the conclusion she’d arrived at about her vision, something she hadn’t told the other two. “I think Allura’s not… dead. She’s not exactly alive, either, but she’s definitely not dead.”

“Pidge-” pity dripped from his voice.

“No, no. Just listen to me. I’ve thought about it a lot, and you know I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t believe it. At least, it’s definitely worth looking into.”

“If that’s something that’ll make you feel better, then you should definitely look into it,” he said half-heartedly. “I mean, you’ll have the time now.”

“You don’t sound so thrilled,” she said dejectedly.

“It’s just, we all have different coping mechanisms, and this is yours. Not mine. I know she’s gone.” Before she could interrupt, he continued. “Even if she isn’t exactly dead, she’s still gone. And we have to live with that. Besides, let’s be real. It isn’t like we can magically bring her back.”

“And why not?” she huffed.

“Pidge, please,” he begged. “If you want to do some research and experiments, then go ahead. Who am I to judge? Just don’t go around saying things like this so lightly, because someone might get hurt.”

She crossed her arms and sank into the bed, wishing she hadn’t said anything at all. Maybe it sounded insane, but she was convinced it had been real. And maybe she could do something about it. Otherwise, what had been the point of her vision, of bringing up all her regrets again?

“Hey, Pidge,” Hunk said again, setting a hand against her shoulder. “I know you’re mad at me, but please just hear this. Whatever happens, just know that everything will be fine eventually. You’ll be fine.”

***

When she was discharged, Pidge returned to Earth on her parents' request. She hadn't been back home for more than a couple of days at a time since before they'd left on the Atlas, so maybe it wasn't so bad to stay there for a while. What didn't sit right with her, however, was the way she was being forced to go back. They could try to soften the blow as much as they wanted by saying it was a necessary break, but she knew that was just an excuse. Perhaps for the Ejdans she'd done something right, but for everyone else, she'd failed her mission and gotten herself injured for no reason. With that perspective, it made sense they wanted to get rid of her, at least for a while. That didn't mean she agreed with the decision, and she certainly didn't appreciate them sugarcoating it for her when the truth was crystal clear. Her superiors had lost trust in her and questioned her judgment, which was incredibly offensive considering the amount of work she'd done during the war. It seemed like one bad call had suddenly made them forget her worth.

It was unfair, but she wouldn't let a minor setback like that stop her from releasing her full potential. Soon enough, she would be back on that ship exploring the universe, helping the Coalition, and doing what she was good at. In the meantime, she'd have to deal with her mother grounding her for life. No sooner had she set foot on terrestrial ground, her mom had set up a storm, telling her off for being so reckless and risking her life in such a way. As if that hadn't been enough, her mom even went to such extents as restricting her permissions to go out and assigning her the most menial tasks mankind could have created.

Among her dreary new lifestyle, some things were still salvageable. She got to see her beloved dog, Bae-Bae again, and give her all the belly rubs she'd missed while she was away. She also got to see the MFE's around the base every other day, especially Nadia and Ina who came to check on her while her mom had her watering plants manually (just for the sake of it). Pidge hadn't realized how much she'd missed those two until they'd embedded themselves into her routine. At least now she knew better than to take them for granted. They made life feel way less dull.

Time flew by in a rush, days slowly becoming easier to endure. Yet, no matter how hard she tried to forget the recent events that had led her into her current position, there were some things she couldn’t keep out of her mind. Memories kept seeping in at unwanted times, overwhelming her with dread. As much as she insisted on dismissing what she’d been through as another run of the mill close-call and reassuring those around her that everything was fine, the truth was it had affected her more than she was willing to admit. She woke up at night, gasping for breath, only to remember she was home in her bed, instead of in a control room slowly filling with poisonous gas. It hurt her pride to have felt so helpless, stuck in a situation that kept spiraling out of control, its echoes resonating in every decision that was imposed on her.

Then there the issue of her vision. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced it had been real. And if it was real, there was still hope. She had to do something about it, but she wasn’t sure how to proceed. Research was always a good starting point, but how did one go about looking into bringing back someone who had restored life to all realities? Because Allura had pulled a god-like move that to this day nobody could fully explain. That didn’t mean she was going to give up just like that, but some guidance or support would be nice.

That reminded her of Hunk’s words. When she told him her intentions, he’d seemed reluctant to back her up, going so far as to warn her altogether of mentioning the subject to anyone else. His reaction had baffled her, even angered her a bit. If there was the slightest chance they could bring back their friend, why wouldn’t he want to take it? It was a no-brainer for her, and she had assumed wrongly it would be too for him. It was a sore matter for all of them, but she hadn’t expected his denial, as polite as it’d been.

Perhaps she just hadn’t told the right person. Shiro, Keith, Hunk (and previously her) had all been very busy with an assortment of tasks in hopes to bring some sense of peace into the galaxy. Lance, however, was not. Ever since he had returned to Earth to be with his family, he hadn’t reached out a lot to any of them except for the occasional message. He wasn’t involved with Garrison activities either, as she hadn’t seen him at all since her return. Essentially, he’d distanced himself from all recovery efforts and galactic business, and that was exactly the reason he might be her best bet.

So one day, after a lot of begging to her mother to let her go out to visit her friend, she set off to the McClain Farm. Veronica helped by extending an invitation for dinner so she wouldn’t arrive unannounced, but judging by the look on his face, none of the girls had bothered to let Lance know. Fortunately, he played it off and offered to show her around the farm like a good host while the food was prepared. The air felt a bit tense between them, but the guided tour provided the perfect distraction to avoid all the unasked questions that lingered in the air. She took comfort in the fact she got to see Kaltenecker before all hell breaks loose.

“Hey Pidge, take a walk with me?” Lance asked casually after dinner. She turned to look at his mother as if asking for permission. Usually, she would’ve expected such a request  _ after  _ the table was clear, but his haste in asking was a clear sign that he wanted to discuss the elephant in the room.

“Don’t worry, dear,” Mrs. McClain told her. “Go ahead, we’ll clean up here. Right, kids?”

The pair of friends got up while Lance’s siblings mumbled a half-hearted “yes, mom”. Pidge was sure she looked pretty sheepish while doing so, but Veronica’s friendly pat on her arm gave her some reassurance. She gave her a brief smile of gratitude and followed Lance out the door.

They walked around the backyard in silence, Pidge always remaining a couple of steps behind him. The trees and bushes were a nice contrast to the fields of crops belonging to the farm, giving the place a homier ambiance. She was also able to spot a couple of flowers along the way, similar to the ones she would often see at her mother’s greenhouse. The pink flower, however, made her stop in her tracks.

“A juniberry,” her voice pierced the silence. Lance turned around wide-eyed, not expecting her to be the first one to talk. He soon recovered from the shock, his face relaxing into a nostalgic smile.

“A gift from your mum,” he offered as an explanation, staring fondly at the flower. Then his eyes lightened up with excitement as he looked at her once again. “We have more, actually. Over here.”

His steps were faster and bouncier as he led her further into the garden, his hands coming out of his pockets for the first time during her visit. It reminded her of his old self, but a sudden pang of guilt stopped her from going down that particular train of thought. She shook her head in dismissal just for added measure. Finally, Lance stopped at the edge of a clearing and waited for her to catch up, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. When she arrived next to him, he extended his arms in a dramatic motion and exclaimed a low “Tadaaaa!”. The clearing was filled with multiple pink buds shining under the moonlight, swaying gently in the breeze. Her mouth dropped as she stared at them in awe, only managing to clutch her jacket tighter around her as a weight slowly settled on her chest.

“We’re making a small experiment,” Lance said happily. “We planted a batch of juniberries to see if they would flourish under normal conditions, and so far it’s going great. It’s really nice to have something that ties both cultures together, you know?” The pep in his voice turned a bit somber as he added; “They make me feel closer to her.”

Allura. Everything always came back to her. Pidge felt the pressure in her chest tightening unbearably, making her gasp. It sounded incredibly loud for such a peaceful setting, making her feel even more out of place. Lance glanced at her worriedly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to bring her up.” 

‘ _ Classic Lance, apologizing for all the wrong reasons, _ ’ she thought. The frown forming on his face wasn’t a good look, either.

“No, no, don’t worry. It’s fine, really,” she rushed out.

“Then why are you crying?” he asked.

“I’m not —  oh,” she said.  Her hands released the jacket to rub at her eyes, white knuckles standing out starkly against red skin. She hadn’t even noticed the blurriness caused by the pooling tears. Thankfully, none had managed to roll down her cheeks yet, but she was quite surprised that he’d noticed that added glint of someone who’s about to cry. “Sorry about that. I’m actually glad you brought it up first. Her, I mean. Oh gosh, what am I even saying?” she tried to deflect the tension with a nervous laugh, but the angry rubbing of her eyes wasn’t helping.

“Hunk warned me you might come to me,” he said dryly. It didn’t sit well with her. “He didn’t elaborate, but he did mention it had to do with Allura.”

“What do you mean he warned you?” she huffed. “It’s not like I have some sort of secret agenda or anything, so why would he say that?”

“Don’t play dumb, Pidge. You always have something else going on,” he said playfully before sobering up again. “The fact that you waited all afternoon to say something only proves that Hunk was right. So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s only fair, isn’t it?” she sighed. “It has to do with the incident that got me grounded on Earth. I don’t think Hunk told you this  — since you’ve been mostly chill the whole time, and I’m sure you would’ve freaked out already — but I may have almost, kind of died.”

“What the heck, Pidge?!” he yelled, his arms flailing until they settled on her shoulders. “How?!”

“It doesn’t really matter,” she said nonchalantly. Before he could interrupt her, however, she continued. “What matters is what I saw when… you know.”

“Allura,” he nodded in understanding, his hands squeezing her shoulders before letting go altogether. He slouched while his gaze wandered over the flowers in front of them, thoughts probably just as lost.

“Yes ,” she all but whispered, suddenly aware of the ghost looming upon them. “She held me tight and said some… things. I think it was her way of telling me we would meet again,” she admitted.

“Maybe she meant when you actually die,” he said gravely, piercing her with a sharp gaze. “Which might not be so far off, considering your tendencies.”

“Lance?” she asked, recoiling in shock at his harsh words.

“So you saw her in a dream, huh?” he continued without acknowledging the distance she had put between them, voice laced with bitterness. “You think I haven’t seen her too? In that white space, reliving over and over our last kiss?”

“No, Lance. You’re not getting it,” she frowned. “This wasn’t a memory, it was different…” she trailed off, staring into the floor in sudden embarrassment.

“Different how?” he asked harshly, stepping into her personal space. “So just because you saw her instead of me, it’s supposed to be real?”

“No, that’s not—you’re missing the point!” she cried desperately, clutching his arms in an attempt to get to him. “It felt too real to be a dream.”

“Of course it felt real,” he granted, voice lowering in understanding. He gripped her arms in return, adding a heartfelt squeeze. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean it was.”

“Lance, please. Listen to me,” she gripped him even tighter. “I think we might be able to bring her back.”

“Stop. Don’t do that,” he whispered, dropping his hands in defeat and shaking his head vehemently. “Just stop.”

“Lance—,” she begged, losing her grip on him. He took a step back, anguished face turning into a scowl.

“Even I’m not that messed up to fool myself like that,” he said with all the venom he could muster. It felt to her like a punch to the gut, a jab aimed straight at her insecurities, and it had landed flawlessly. She whimpered, now being the one to step away as if physical distance would allow her to escape his scathing remark. His eyes immediately widened in horror at what he’d just said. He tried to get close again, only to have her flinch. “Pidge, no. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

She sobbed uncontrollably now, tears running down her face shamelessly. She clutched her jacket tighter around herself, shaking her head in disbelief. “I thought you of all people would understand.”

“Pidge,” he sighed, unable to look her in the eye. He ran a hand through his hair before saying “You can’t just come to my house and say “Allura might be alive!” with nothing to back it up and just expect me to- what? Follow you blindly in a quest that will lead nowhere?” His voice cracked, a sob making its way out. “It’s  _ sick _ , and you of all people should know that. Why would you do this to me?”

“I know I don’t have any evidence,” she said, trying to talk in between the gasps. “I know it sounds insane, but it’s true. Allura’s somewhere out there, waiting— no,  _ calling  _ for us. And I need you to trust me on this.” Desperation permeated every word. “When have I ever failed you?”

He finally met her eyes once more, seeing the despair slowly taking over them, hope all but gone. Her face was a deafening cry for help that he wouldn’t be able to answer. He made his way to her, grateful she wasn't stepping away anymore, and enveloped her in the tightest embrace he could manage in his current state.

“I’m sorry, Katie” he whispered in her ear, holding her in place when she tried to pull away once more. “I can’t do this. It’s been difficult to move on, but I don’t wake up crying anymore. Every day it hurts a little less. I’m making progress, and I can’t just throw it all away based on a hunch.”

“I made everything worse, didn’t I?” she mumbled into his chest, wrapping her arms around him and holding on for dear life as sobs wracked her body.

They clung to each other for what felt like an eternity but must have been only a few minutes, unwilling to let go. When her crying subsided enough to stop the trembling, she pulled away. The moment was over and it was time to set things right.

“Please forget everything I said. And don’t worry, I won’t bother you again,” she tried to reassure him.

“Pidge—”

“It’s fine, really,” she said with a finality none of her early remarks had to them. He nodded, letting it go. They made their way back to the house in silence, not quite sure what else to say so the night wouldn’t end on such a bitter note. Before they went back in, he stopped her right outside the door.

“Promise me you won’t go through with this,” he said. “You still have plenty left to live for, and I’d hate to see you get stuck on this. It’s not worth it.”

She only nodded in response. Both of them knew she wouldn’t keep her word, but sometimes lies hurt less than the truth.

***

After Lance had so fervently refused to help her, she knew she was on her own. For the first time in years, she truly felt alone. But she wasn’t about to let that stop her. She was in too deep now, too far gone to stop. So, when her father told her he wanted to learn how to replicate the teludav’s technology to facilitate space travel she saw her chance. Knowing just who to contact for the job, she offered to go to New Altea and stay there to further research the subject closer to its source. Her mother hadn’t been too keen on the idea, but after some convincing from both her and her dad, she finally gave in. It would be a safe trip, only for research purposes, so there wasn’t any harm.

On New Altea, she planned to not only look into the teludav’s mechanisms but also search for any sort of ancient knowledge that could help in her quest. She still wasn’t sure what she was looking for, but she had a feeling she’d know when she found it. It was a bit embarrassing that she was trusting her gut on this one instead of common sense, but her conviction told her she was on the right track. Maybe someday, that sort of confidence would be her downfall, but for now, she was willing to take a chance.

When she arrived on New Altea, Coran received her with his usual smile, all focused on greetings and making small talk. “So good to have you here, number five! Be our guest! I won’t be able to help you all the time, since I’m organizing a whole society and all, but feel free to reach out if you need anything! If I’m unavailable, I’m sure someone else might also be able to help!”

It was good to see him being his old, cheerful self again. She’d missed all his outlandish ways and eccentric personality; weird, yet comforting and familiar. His spirits weren’t as high as before, noticeable by the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was still better than the last time she’d seen him in person. He’d been devastated when the paladins had returned from their fight with Honerva without the princess. Just thinking about how broken he’d looked, the same man that had taken care of them through all those hard times without ever losing his pep, now being absolutely heart-broken. It had been too much at the time and still was.

At least he was better now. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it must have been to deal with a loss like that, and she sure wasn’t going to bring it up again anytime soon. Especially after what had happened with Lance. It would be better if she didn’t tell him about her side investigation. She didn’t want to risk opening up old wounds for such a kind man, and it was the least she could do.

And that’s how the next couple of months went by. During the day she met with different altean scientists and engineers that helped her understand how altean technology functioned, and then she communicated her research to her dad and his team back on the Garrison. They, in turn, came up with new improvements, or different proposals to achieve the same goal. She had to admit, it was all very interesting and gave her a new insight into the physics behind wormholes, and alien technology overall.

For her side project, however, she had to be a bit more subtle. Whenever the other scientists got carried away with their explanations, she took advantage and slowly changed the subject into quantum physics, gathering as much information from them as she could about multiple universes and the fabric of reality. They were always thorough and made sure to explain everything she didn’t quite understand. In turn, they asked her about her experiences as a paladin of Voltron, and she answered in kind. Sometimes these conversations got them so enthralled, someone else had to cut them off so they could go back to work. She enjoyed those moments of her day-to-day with a passion, but she didn’t let them distract her from her mission.

Then, in her free time, she went to the castle library to research on altean culture. There was a lot of information available, both on books and digital records. It was too much for a single person to go through, but she had an idea of what she was looking for. Old fairy tales had helped them once when they’d discovered the lost city of Oriande, so maybe there was something that could help once more. For the digital records, she developed a program that could scan for any mention of technology, especially if it involved traveling, either through time or space, maybe even worlds. For the books, however, it was a lot harder since she had to do the task manually. Every night she stayed up until the early hours of the morning reading, searching for anything that might be useful, keeping a log for potential leads.

It was exhausting. Day after day she breathed in science and breathed out folktales. There was not a second she didn’t spend thinking and creating potential scenarios in her mind that would help achieve her goal of bringing back Allura. 

As she saw it, two major obstacles had to be overcome. The first one, getting back to that blank space where all realities met without going into a murderous spree as Honerva had done. The second, and most troubling one, was actually bringing back Allura. For the first one, she needed an enormous amount of energy to create a rift through spacetime that would allow her to travel between realities which, judging from past experiences, was a terrible idea that screamed doom for the universe. It was either that or being incredibly lucky enough to find a naturally occurring rift like the one that had caused the creation of Voltron and the Syncline. Even if that happened and she managed to find one, it would still need to lead straight into the source of all realities instead of just a random one. Needless to say, the chances to find such a specific rift were astronomically low (less than 0.0000001% according to Slav who she’d called in a moment of desperation, and exactly 0.0000001% if she wore green socks). No matter how much she joggled around the ideas in her mind, nothing was good enough to be feasible. Theories formed, held together by seemingly concrete concepts only to be later wrecked by opposing ideas and logic.

That much information, combined with the lack of sleep, soon began to take a toll on her. Days started blending together, combining her normal life with her sciency daydreams and disgustingly human nightmares. She often found herself staring at the letters printed in a book only for them to twist and bend into a whirlwind of black and purple, which soon turned into a wormhole that if she were to cross, she would find herself somewhere else other than the library. If she spent too long walking down the hallways, they would soon turn into the huge corridors back on Ejdan’s government building, straight and never-ending, no matter how far along she walked. Windows proved to be nightmare fuel as well, as every time she looked out she saw Green coming straight at her, always a few seconds away from breaking the glass.

Her declining state of mind didn’t go unnoticed by the people around her. Spacing out constantly would have that effect, she guessed. Coran began to check on her once every few hours, trying to disguise his visits as “progress revisions”. It was a sweet gesture, and sometimes it helped to ground her back into reality. Then came the calls from her friends. Once a day, without fail, someone would call to try and break her out of her funk. Hunk and Shiro tried to be subtle, making small talk while asking meticulous questions that might get her to reveal any details about her soundness. Lance and Keith, on the other hand, pestered her tirelessly about her well-being. She dismissed them all equally.

Eventually, their words bled into her delusions too. “We’re worried about you!”, “You’re only hurting yourself!”, “This isn’t healthy!” and a whole other assortment of phrases provided a soundtrack for her daydreams, aggravating her situation even more. As if those words would fix anything. She was well aware of what she was doing, and she also knew just how much it was affecting her. To have her friends pointing fingers at her self-destructive behavior did nothing useful, and only served to make her feel more guilty for delving into these patterns with nothing to show for it.

Despair was starting to get a hold on her, making her feel she was grasping at straws. What if they were right, and it was all hopeless? Maybe this was just an obsession born out of regret, a twisted attempt at redemption from someone who didn’t deserve it. If it had all been for nothing, what remained? Only a failure, a pathetic excuse, and maybe some pitiful “Oh well, at least you tried.”

***

A breakthrough came one night when Coran found her in the library, nose buried in some ancient book. She hadn't noticed his intrusion until he was dragging a chair to sit across from her, so deep as she was in her thoughts. He offered her a patient smile as an acknowledgment, hands folding on the table expectantly. She put her book down, glancing at the clock on the wall. It was half-past midnight, still early for her nightly research, but quite late for him to be checking on her. His non-verbal language and late hour visit screamed seriousness, so she released her grip on the book and folded her hands as well, waiting for him to talk.

"Number five," he began, only to correct, "Katie. We need to talk."

"I already told you I'm fine, Coran," she said tiredly, not up for another argument. He'd never approached her so directly, instead opting for the standard questions and suggesting she got more sleep. Especially not so late at night when she'd rather spend her time further researching.

"The paladins seem very concerned about you, and for that matter so am I. But that's not what I wanted to discuss with you."

She tilted her head, waiting for him to elaborate. He sighed, preparing himself for his next remark. At that moment, under the glow of the low reading lights, he looked like age had finally caught up to him.

"I know what you're trying to do. I've looked into your search history, the books you consult, the logs you keep. It all points out to one thing," he said gravely.

She tensed up at his words, breath caught in her throat, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Any moment now, he would tell her off for her foolishness, for messing with things she didn't know and disrespecting the dead. Tears began to pool in her eyes. She couldn't bear to hear the disappointment of someone who had been nothing but supportive all along.

"I'm sorry," she whispered brokenly. "I'm so, so sorry. I never should've— I don't know what I was expecting."

His eyes went wide in surprise. "Number five!" he exclaimed in his normal, boisterous voice. "I'm not mad at you! Quite the opposite, actually."

"What?" she sobbed, surprised by the turn in his demeanor but still unable to hold the tears.

He reached for her hands and gave a comforting squeeze. "I'm not mad at you at all. I support you. If anyone could find a way, it would definitely be you."

She couldn't believe it. All this time, she'd been bracing against the backlash from her friends, afraid to tell the man in front of her due to his close relationship with Allura. She didn't want to hurt anyone like she'd hurt Lance with her silly hopes, deciding it would be better to carry the burden on her own. The hope to see the princess again had been the only thing that kept her holding on, as unrealistic as it seemed. But now someone else believed in her. It wasn't just her hope anymore.

Tears rolled down her cheeks even faster, reminding her of Hunk's ugly cry. She probably looked worse now. "I still haven't found a way, though. No matter how hard I try, nothing I come up with seems good enough," she said.

"It is a daunting task," he nodded. "But I do believe you already have everything you need to succeed. Maybe if you go back to the essentials, a new path will unfold itself. That's how Allura was able to save the universe, after all."

Pidge furiously nodded, wiping her cheeks with a grateful smile.

"And Katie," he added. "I believe in you. I believe you can bring back my daughter."

"I will.”

***

After her conversation with Coran, everything seemed a bit better. Her odds were still as low as they’d ever been, but at least she had someone that believed in her. A few days later, filled with adequate sleep and some not so self-imposed relaxation, she finally set out to continue her mission. Coran referred her to Altean history, especially the ancient cultures that had developed the basics for all the breakthroughs their society had made. Her research hadn’t been that far off, but this certainly helped to fill in some gaps. What really caught her interest, though, were the architectonic sites built by these cultures. Each one of them related to a specific phenomenon that had helped them understand the workings of the universe and discover that they were not alone. As their findings became more sophisticated, they’d begun to explore nearby planets and build their structures there as well.

That’s how Pidge found herself going through each of these locations in hopes of finding anything that might lead her in the right direction. She found it quite ironic, how now that she had absolutely no idea what she was looking for, she somehow felt more self-assured than the past few months. It was a wild goose chase, but she was more determined than ever.

Each of these new sites offered her amazing views and fed her curiosity over just what their purpose had been. Coran gladly explained most of them, usually before she made the trip so she could corroborate his information with her notes and in-site observations. Sometimes, though, they came across some places from which they had little to no knowledge. These were especially a challenge for Pidge’s avid mind, but it took a lot of time to figure them out; time that they just didn’t have. It pained them both to leave these places without giving them the proper follow up, so Coran made sure to assign a small team to research each one of them.

It was during one of these trips to a particularly old site that the truth finally unfolded. This place was the farthest from all the others, located on a small, forgotten planet whose name no-one could recall anymore. The only form of life that remained was that of plants, as whoever had lived before had vanished into thin air ages before the ancient Alteans had discovered this planet and repurposed it for their research.

Pidge, accompanied by the ever-faithful Green, had landed on what appeared to be an infinite grassland. Miles and miles of pink wisps extended far beyond her sight, only interrupted by what remained of the Altean research site. She threaded carefully through what must have been the roads that connected several buildings, now only thick walls with faded, intricate carvings.

She must have spent hours walking through those streets, trying to decipher the messages written on the walls. Maybe they held a sign, a clue to point her in the right direction. However, even with all the knowledge she had gathered with the help of her friend, the only thing she managed to translate was the word “above”. It was written on every wall of every fallen building, on every rock she turned. Still, she couldn’t understand what it was referring to. Above what? Every time she read the word, she looked above the carvings to check if there was anything else there, only to be met with a cracked, blank piece of wall. She checked the fallen roofs, but they were just as empty. She even checked the edges of the walls, climbing as best as she could, but still nothing.

Time went by, and before she noticed, the light sky had begun to turn a nice mix of oranges and pinks. It reminded her of home and the last sunset she had consciously seen back on Earth, one that had been filled with tears and an unyielding resolve. She would have to leave soon, empty-handed once more, but there was no harm in staying just a little bit longer to enjoy the view. Even if the place hadn’t revealed any answers to her, it was still an amazing sight to behold. She walked further down the road instead of heading back to Green, almost as if driven by an invisible force. She had noticed a few hours ago that all the paths were arranged in a circle that lead to a dais right in the center, but when she had approached to investigate, it hadn’t revealed anything different than the buildings before. Now, it seemed to her it would be the perfect place to contemplate the sky before moving on to somewhere else.

Pidge stood on the dais and looked at the floor and its carvings in one last half-hearted attempt to understand their meaning, before giving up and sitting right in the center of it. She looked up at the sky, lost in thought as the orange led way to purples and deep blues. Stars began to appear little by little, one twinkle over here, two more over there. She laid down completely on the dais, watching curiously as the entire night sky was covered in a blanket of stars. For a minute or two, she tried to connect the dots to form constellations, until she remembered where she was. Of course, the constellations she knew wouldn’t appear here because this wasn’t Earth, and these weren’t even the same stars- 

A sudden idea entered her mind, and she looked to the side to see the carvings of the dais once more.

_ Above. _

Above were the  _ stars _ .

Mentally slapping herself for not realizing any sooner, she got up in a rush and all but ran back to Green. They had a lot of research to do.

***

After her last trip, Pidge had come back to the site several times, each one bringing some new equipment to analyze the stars. This planet’s celestial sphere was very special, containing a variety of celestial bodies with many different properties; some she could recognize, but most were new to her. What caught her attention, though, had been a nebula she’d seen through the telescope during her most recent expedition. Her main task so far had been to analyze the hard data and compare it to the Altean database, looking for some anomaly to show up. However, during her last visit, she decided it would be wise to get a physical image of the particular section of the sky she was looking into, the one that presented the most anomalies, which coincidentally turned out to be the one right above the dais. So she set up the equipment to take a picture and left it running until it was time to go. When she’d seen the image of that section, all doubt left her mind.

It was Allura.

Well, it was actually a nebula. Bright clouds of blue, purple, and pink swirled across the black space, forming into what was definitely her friend’s silhouette. All breath had been knocked out of her lungs as she’d stared at the picture, unable to tear her eyes away from that vision. She’d been looking for a clue, and the universe had provided more than she’d hoped for.

After that, it was only a matter of time until she found the impossible she’d been looking for. In the cluster of stars she’d been studying, there was a rift. A tear in the fabrics of time and space, small enough to not be too problematic, but big enough to cause some effects on its surroundings, hence the nebula she’d seen of Allura. That had to be it, the place where she would finally find her friend. The only thing left to do now was travel there and hope for the best.

With the blessing of Coran, and the company of Green, she set to cross the rift. Thanks to the teludav developments the research team on New Altea had made, it was possible for her to get to her desired location in no time.

The nebula looked even more impressive up close. As they approached it, Green instinctively slowed down as if admiring the nebula as well. It was huge and even brighter than in the picture, the gas curling intricately to form the features of her friend. The closed eyes, the long floating hair, her curled up pose, and her hands clutched tightly together, a white light peeking out from between them. That’s where the rift sat, barely concealed by the wispy hands. Swallowing her nerves, Pidge sent a mental reassurance to Green, and they both went into the rift.

Everything was white. 

Then, Pidge realized her eyes were closed, but she didn’t feel like opening them. It should’ve been disorienting, but all she felt was an overwhelming calm. A hand passed through her hair, kindly pushing it away from her forehead. Pidge gasped as she became more aware of her body and realized her head was cradled in somebody’s lap. Slowly, her eyes opened, and she was met with the most beautiful sight. Allura, the same person she had been obsessing over for most of the year, was looking back at her with a fondness only she was capable of. Tears began to gather at the corners of her eyes, rolling down the sides of her face at first, and then down her cheeks as she lifted her body to give her friend a bone-cracking hug.

They must have stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, holding onto each other as if for dear life. When they finally pulled apart, not quite letting go of each other, both offered watery smiles.

“I’m so happy to see you again, Pidge,” Allura was the first to break the silence. “Alive and well like you should be.”

Pidge let out a short laugh, remembering the vision that had set her on this insane quest. It had been real after all. Then a frown formed on her face as she said, “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Allura let out an amused huff. “I didn’t think you would actually get here on your own two feet. But if anyone could, of course it would be you.” She playfully messed the top of Pidge’s hair.

“Of course I had to come, someone needed to drag you out of here!” Pidge said just as playfully, ignoring how the other woman’s smile turned sad. Then she felt Allura’s hands settle heavily on her shoulders, and she finally noticed the solemn expression on her face.

“Katie,” the older woman took a pause as if it hurt to get the words out. “I can’t get out of here.”

Pidge looked as if she had been slapped. “What do you mean?” she cried desperately. “The universe is safe, the fabrics of reality are stable, and most important of all you’re still here. Alive.”

“The only reason all of that is possible is that I stay here. If I were to leave, who knows what would happen? Everything we worked so hard on could be destroyed in a matter of seconds, all existence obliterating in less than the blink of an eye!” Allura held on even tighter to Pidge’s shoulders, causing the girl to wince.

“But Allura, you already did what you had to do!” Pidge complained. “You sacrificed everything, and somehow still managed to survive! That has to mean something, right?” she pleaded.

“I don’t know,” Allura looked down mournfully. “But I can’t take that risk. I’m sorry, Pidge.”

They let go of each other completely, each staring into their white surroundings, unable to look at the person in front of them.

“So that’s it?” Pidge said bitterly. “A tearful goodbye and we move on with our lives? Only that you don’t get to have one.”

“I guess I don’t,” Allura answered sadly, still staring into nothing.

A beat passed where no one said anything, thoughts running very different paths through their minds. Had it all really been for nothing? The vision, the heartbreak, the stress, it had to be worth something. Pidge had found Allura in one piece, as tangible as she’d ever been. She wasn’t just a memory, the embodiment of her regrets, a ghost that existed only in her nightmares, nor an echo that haunted her in her dreams. Allura was real, she was sitting right in front of her, and she was trapped in some weird plane where all universes met. She wasn’t some deity struggling to keep all existence from tearing apart, she was just a girl who had done more than enough for all living beings, who was in desperate need of a break.

“No,” Pidge said, breaking both out of their reverie. “You do get to have a life. It’s the least you deserve.”

“But Pidge-”

“Listen to me.” Pidge held the other girl's face firmly to ground her. “I was very lucky to find you. At first, nothing seemed to make sense. No matter how much I tried to think of a way to get you back, nothing seemed possible. The numbers didn’t match, the conditions were less than unlikely, there was just no way I could’ve gotten here, you know?”

Allura nodded, confused at her words but intrigued for the next part.

“But then, something changed. Everything just seemed to fall into place, the puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did. And I found you. I don’t think that was just a coincidence or the product of my very hard work. I was meant to find you, and you were meant to come back with me. So please, come back with me.”

Tears had begun to fall from both their eyes again, but it wasn’t a teary goodbye. As Allura nodded and they stood up from the floor, they realized it was only a greeting, a new beginning. A flashing light blinded their sight, and everything was gone.

*** 

“Pidge?” she faintly heard a distant voice call out.

“Pidge!” This voice was female and definitely a lot closer. “It worked!”

“ALLURA!” another distant voice yelled frantically, getting louder as it drew closer. “ALLURAAAA!”

“Ugh, tell Lance to shut up,” Pidge groaned, rolling on the floor and struggling to sit up. As soon as she managed to, though, a pair of arms wrapped around her and held her tight.

“I can’t believe it worked!” Allura cried happily. “And the universe didn’t fall apart! We’re still alive!”

Pidge hugged her back, feeling all the joy from the other girl invading her senses and making up for the rude awakening. Then she felt another pair of arms wrap around them, and another, and three more as the group, all the paladins and Coran, joined in a giant hug with the girls in the center. The guys were all a crying mess, sobs of “I missed you so much Allura!” and “You did it Pidge, you did it!” thrown indiscriminately into the air. It took a long, long time for the emotional outburst to settle into more quiet words and not so squeezing hugs. Pidge finally noticed they’d appeared back on one of the juniberry fields on New Altea, all five lions of Voltron surrounding them. Among her still crying friends, all together at last, Pidge finally felt all the tension from the past few months melt away. Allura was here, and everything was fine. 

They were all home.


End file.
